Investment Vocabulary

INVESTMENT VOCABULARY
* EBITDA: Earnings Before I Tricked Damned Auditor
* EBIT: Earnings Before Irregularities & Tampering
* CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer
* CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer
* NAV: Normal Anderson Valuation
* FRS: Fantasy Reporting Standards
* P/E: Parole Entitlement
* EPS: Eventual Prison Sentence
* Bull Market: A random
market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
* Bear Market: A 6-18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
* Momentum Investing: The fine art of buying high and selling low.
* Value Investing: The art of buying low and selling lower.
* P/E Ratio: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
* Broker: What my broker has made me.
* "BUY-BUY": A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the airplane.
* Standard & Poor: My life in a nutshell.
* Stock Analyst: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
* Stock Split: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between
themselves.
* Financial Planner: A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
* Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.
* Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
* Yahoo: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
* Windows 2000: What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo at $240/share.
* Institutional Investor: Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.
* Profit: Religious guy who talks to God.