Q & A

Q & A
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: What does watermellon and pussy have in common?
A: They are both red and juicy inside.
Q: Why did God create Eve?
A: Cause he got tired of seeing Adam jerk off!
Q: Why is a pebble in your shoe like a form of birth control?
A: Because it makes you limp
Q: Is sex better than pot?
A: It depends on the pusher
Q: What's the definition of a bastard?
A: A man who boinks you all night with a 2
inch penis, then kisses you good-bye with a 12 inch tongue.
Q: Why do men date a woman with a past?
A: They hope history will repeat itself
Q: What does a storm and a pussy have in common?
A: You dont know weather they are going to come or not.
Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: What is the difference between dark and hard?
A: It can stay dark all night
Q: How can you tell the difference between male and female pancake?
A: The way they're stacked
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies have been performed on
dead people.
Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A: It indicates intercourse.
Q: Male sperm?
A: That is the only kind I know.
Q: How would a nympho answer this question, "Do you like it with the lights on or off?"
A: "Yes"
Q: What is 16- inches long, and hard?
A: Nothing
Q: What can't a gardener understand about his penis?
A: How it can be fully grown before it's planted
Q: How do you get four faggots to share a barstool?
A: Turn it upside down!
Q: What did the woman tell her doctor after breast enlargements operation?
A: "Thanks for the mummeries"
Q: Why might a dumb woman with a good body lie face down at a nude
beach?
A: To make a good impression
Q: What was the sex maniac doing under the hood of the car?
A: He was trying to jump the battery
Q: How are men like commercials?
A: You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 60 seconds.
Q: Do you know what 6.9 is?
A: A good thing screwed up by a period.
Q: Why are men are like bagpipes?
A: You won't get anything unless you blow them first.
Q: Why are prostitutes apathetic about voting in elections?
A: They don't care who gets in
Q: Why did the lady cop frisk the fisherman?
A: She was looking for his rod
Q: What could be described as a case of wife or death?
A:
A shotgun wedding
Q: What are you if you have a hole in your head, you get stiff regularly, and every time you get excited you throw up?
A: A penis
Q: What do you call a Jewish homosexual?
A: A He-blew
Q: What is worse than a lobsters on your piano?
A: Crabs on your organ
Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A: She is my daughter.
Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?
Q: Were you acquainted with the deceased?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Before or after he died?
Q: Why is sex like pot ?
A: The quality depends on the pusher.
Q: You say the stairs went down to the
basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Why did so many Mexicans show up at the Alamo?
A: They heard Davy Crocket was beating them off.
Q: Why was the lady prisoner popular?
A: Because she was always on her guard
Q: What did the married man want in exchange for his 40-year-old wife?
A: Two 20-year-olds
Q: What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish market?
A: "Good Morning ladies"
Q: Why did the coed get an A in History
A: She was great on dates
Q: Why did the Greek boy return home after running away?
A: He didn't want to leave his brother's behind
Q: What is the difference between a wife and a
job?
A: After a few years the job still sucks
Q: What do you call boobs on a girl scout?
A: Brownie points
Q: There are two fleas on a pussy. One is smoking dope; what's the other one doing?
A: Sniffing crack
Q: What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A: A Christler!
Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: Why don't witches wear undies?
A: To get better grip on their brooms.
Q: Why Did The Army Send So Many Women With PMS To The Persian Gulf?
A: They Fought Like Animals And Retained Water For 4 Days.
Q: How can you tell if the barmaid is pissed off at you?
A:
There is a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
Q: Did you hear about the new Irish parachute?
A: It opens on impact.
Q: Did you hear about the fag who put "The Patch" on his dick?
A: He's down to two butts a day.
Q: How can an American be certain that the car he's just bought is actually new?
A: When it's recalled by the factory.
Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A: Beat it - we're closed.
Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.
Q: What Do You Get When You Cross A Pigeon With An Army General?
A: A Military Coo.
Q: What Are Tired Army Clothes?
A: Fatigues.
Q:
What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.
Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
A: She's withholding evidence.
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Q: What's better than seeing a woman wrestle?
A: Seeing her box.
Q: What do you call a woman who puts her diaphragm in crooked?
A: Mother
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be pregnant.
Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float
Q: What do butter and a hooker have in common?
A: You need bread to spread either
Q: What
is the similarity between a rattlesnake and a limp penis?
A: You don't fuck with either one.
Q: What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
A: Any place without a drive-up window.
Q: What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A: Honey
Q: How do you know when you're living in a really bad neighborhood?
A: The church has a bouncer.
Q: What does Henny Youngman call a false salesman?
A: A FULLER bust man.
Q: What did Emily Post say to her husband when he got an erection?
A: "Its not polite to point"
Q: Half of all Pakistanis live within 50 miles of what?
A: Their birthplace
Q: What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and
laser printers all have in common?
A: All invented by women.
Q: Why were the cops so mad when the toilet was stolen from the police station?
A: They had nothing to go on
Q: What did the homosexual request for x-mas dessert?
A: Fruitcake
Q: Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A: Obsession
Q: If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A: One thousand
Q: What did Eve do when Adam came home late?
A: She counted his ribs
Q: Why did Adam and Eve have a perfect marriage?
A: He didn't have to hear
about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
Q: What's the best thing to come out of a penis when you stroke it?
A: The wrinkles.
Q: Did you hear about the couple who both achieved mutual sexual satisfaction at the very same moment?
A: They both said "Not tonight, I have a headache."
Q: Why is sex with your wife like a 7-11 store?
A: There's not much variety, but what else is open at 3:00 in the morning?
Q: How do you tell the difference between a cow and a bull?
A: Milk them both. The one that smiles is the bull.
Q: What goes on at a nudist camp?
A: Nothing
Q: Why did they call
the prostitute "Flour"?
A: Because she'd been through the mill
Q: How would Henny youngman answer this question, "Do you talk to your wife during sex?"
A: "If I'm near a telephone"
Q: What did the pile of leaves say to the gardener?
A: "Go ahead! Rake my day!"
Q: Why do they play on artificial turf in Poland?
A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing.
Q: When may a chair be said to dislike you?
A: When it cannot bear you.
Q: What's the nicest thing about a nudist wedding?
A: You don't have to ask - you can see who the best man is.
Q: What's the definition of "Tender Love?"
A: Two gays with hemorrhoids.
Q: What is a good reason to become a
gigolo?
A: IF you've always been hard up
Q: Why is credit like sex?
A: Because when you need it, you can't get it
Q: What did the ignoramuses do when his bride said "Take the hardest, heaviest thing you've got and put it where I pee"?
A: He threw his bowling ball in the toilet
Q: How can you tell a disadvantaged Jewish teenager?
A: He's the one driving the domestic automobile.
Q: How do we know God is a man?
A: Because if God were a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate.
Q: What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school?
A: I'll see you next period.
Q: How do you know when you're on a Jewish golf course?
A: The players don't
yell "FORE!" they yell "$3.99!"
Q: What's the best way to get into a sleeping bag?
A: Wake her up first!
Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner
Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie?
A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes."
Q: How many Microsoft programmers does it take to write a great piece of software?
A: More...
Q: Three old ladies snuck a bottle of Jack Daniels into a baseball game and were having a great time drinking and cheering, when all of a sudden they noticed the bottle was almost empty. What inning is it, and how many are on base?
A: Bottom of the fifth and the bags are
loaded.
Q: What's the definition of an 11?
A: A 10 that swallows!
Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get out of bed?
A: Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Q: How can a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist.
Q: How many born-again Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change the bulb and about 500 to go outside and shout "I've seen the light!"
Q: What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
A: See you next month.
Q: If I washed my dick with soap and water would you suck it?
A: No.
A2: Dirty cocksucker!
Q: What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who
pray in casinos?
A: The ones in the casinos are serious
Q: Did you hear about the deadly serpent with a lovely singing voice?
A: It was a choral snake.
Q: What's the similarity between MOBILE and MARRIAGE -
A: In both caseS you feel "aur thoda ruk jata to accha model milta"
Q: What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
A: Male fraud.
Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.
Q: How would a nympho answer this question, "Do you like it with the lights on or off?"
A: "Yes"
Q: What is white, 12" long, and hard?
A: Nothing
Q: What do you call an uncircumcised Jewish
baby?
A: A girl
Q: Why was the tennis player embarrassed?
A: Because he had fuzzy balls
Q: What's the difference between a gynecologist and a proctologist?
A: Their point of view
Q: What's the worst thing you can say to a man who complains that his wife is frigid?
A: "No, she isn't!"
Q: How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank?
A: You call them up and tell them you can't come.
Q: What can't a gardener understand about his penis?
A: How it can be fully grown before it's planted.
Q: What happened when the cannibal ate a missionary?
A: He got a taste of religion
Q: Why does the nymphomaniac have boyfriends by the
score?
A: Because they all do
Q: What did the two Arabs do on Saturday night?
A: Ate their dates
Q: Why did Smokey the bear and his wife never have children?
A: Because every time she got hot, he hit her with his shovel
Q: Why is a male prostitute like inspector Clousteau?
A: They are both Peter Sellers
Q: Have you heard about the new radio station in town?
A: It's called WPMS... every month they give you three weeks of the blues and then one week of rag time.
Q: Did you hear about the new high school course?
A: Intercourse ... you go between periods and you are expected to come.
Q: What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down?
A:
Your wife.
Q: Why do women have two sets of lips?
A: One set to bitch at you with, and the other to apologize with.
Q: What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?
A: A Dictater
Q: What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
A: They're both filled with stiffs
Q: What does am baseball player have if he uses Kaopectate , Clearasil, and Condoms?
A: No runs, no zits, no errors
Q: How are men like commercials?
A: You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 60 seconds.
Q: What is a man?
A: A life-support machine for a penis.
Q: Why is it hard to say oral-genitalism?
A: Because it's a
mouthful
Q: Why did the cannon roar?
A: One of his balls was shot-off
Q: How upset was the old maid who found a tramp sleeping under her bed?
A: She was so upset that her stomach was on the bum all night
Q: Why do chess players have affairs in Czechoslovakia?
A: They love Czech mates
Q: Why is sex like pot?
A: The quality depends on the pusher.
Q: What are the three types of men?
A: The handsome, the caring and the majority.
Q: What is most wmbartassing?
A: Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.
Q: "Did you know that hospital gowns come in three sizes?
A: "Short, shorter, and don't bend
over!"
Q: What's a man's ultimate embarrassment?
A: Walking into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.
Q: How can you tell if a bride is horney?
A: When she comes walking down the aisle
Q: What do you call a male prostitute?
A: A working stiff
Q: Why people are strange?
A: People are strange: they want the front of the mosque, the back of the bus and the center of attention.
Q: Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
A: They're always bitter.
Q: What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD?
A: Having your dentist confirm it.
Q: What did the Horney girl tell the hunter?
A: That she was
game
Q: Why is a penis like payday?
A: He can't come too often
Q: If you go to bed 9 hours before you have to wake up and your wife wants to have 2 hours of sex, how much sleep will you get?
A: 8 hours, 55 minutes - who cares what she wants?!
Q: What is the definition of wicker box?
A: It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.
Q: Why was the leopard frustrated?
A: He couldn't find the right spot
Q: What is the difference between love and herpes?
A: Love might not last forever
Q: What's the difference between a BONUS and a PENIS?
A: Your wife will blow your bonus.
Q: What's the difference between dark and hard?
A:
It stays dark all night.
Q: How do sheepherders practice safe sex?
A: They paint an X on the back of the ones that kick!
Q: What do you call a gay with a vasectomy?
A: A seedless fruit
Q: If the stage of man is "Triweekly" and the second stage is "Tryweekly". What is the third stage?
A: Try weakly
Q: Who made the first soft drink?
A: Adam -- he made Eve's cherry pop
Q: Why does a man's penis have a hole in it?
A: So he can get oxygen to his brain.
Q: What's 72?
A: 69 with 3 people watching!
Q: Why is 77 better than 69?
A: Beause you get 8 more
Q: Do you know
the punishment for bigamy?
A: Two mothers-in-law.
Q: What is better than meeting your girl in a park?
A: Parking your meat in your girl
Q: What is the difference between meat and fish
A: If you beat your fish, it dies
Q: Do you know why the doctor spanks a new born baby?
A: It knocks the dick off the stupid ones!
Q: If a dog is born in Pakistan, gets sick in India, then finally dies in BanglaDesh, where is it buried?
A: In The Ground.
Q: What do you get with 88?
A: You get 8 (ate) twice
Q: What is a French chastitly belt?
A: A muzzle
Q: What is the only thing that men will brag about theirs being smaller than
another man's?
A: The only thing that men will brag about theirs being smaller than another man's is his cell phone.
Q: What Is Culturally Wrong With Australia?
A: It's Full Of Australians.
Q: What is an Australian's dream wife?
A: A woman about 3" tall with no teeth and a flat head you can set a beer on.
Q: What is the definition of Australian foreplay?
A: 'Are you awake Sheila?'
Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A: Shoot him again.
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: Because they are practicing to be men.
Q: What The Only Thing Wrong With Australia?
A: It's Above Sea
Level.
Q: Why do Australian men piss in the garden at parties?
A: Because there's always someone throwing up in the loo!
Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with Honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.
Q: What did the girl say when she stuck her hand down Ronald McDonald's pants?
A: "Where's the beef?"
Q: What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A: The position of the dirt bag.
Q: What's the definition of a teenager?
A: God's punishment for enjoying sex.
Q: What are three favourite things of men?
A: When you are young, it's wine, women and song.
When you get old, it's beer, the old lady and television.
Q: Have you heard the
slogan for the Stealth Condom?
A: "They'll never see you coming."
Q: What do a farmer and a pimp have in common?
A: Both need a hoe to stay in business.
Q: What do you call a 1000 pound woman on a bar stool with a new condom?
A: 1/2 ton pickup with good rubber.
Q: What do you call a female turtle?
A: A Clitortous.