Gannongate Redux

GANNONGATE REDUX!
You wouldn't know it from following the mainstream media, but after months of stalling, the Secret Service has finally released some of their files on James Guckert (a.k.a. Jeff Gannon), and the information contained in these documents threatens to blast Gannongate to a whole new level.
You remember Jeff Gannon, don't you? He's the gay male prostitute who managed to bypass all security measures and masquerade as a journalist at the White House, lobbing right-wing softball questions at the preznit and others during press conferences, for almost three fucking years.
Well, according to these files, Gannon visited the White House an incredible 200 times. Not bad for somebody whose previous journalistic experience
consisted of giving blowjobs to closeted Washington Times columnists! But get this… out of all those visits, only 155 were for press conferences!
In total, Guckert made more than three dozen White House trips on days when no press briefings even took place, and on at least fourteen occasions, he either signed in without signing out, or singed out without signing in. Mostly, it was the former. This raises a number of rather intriguing questions which remain conspicuously absent from the national debate: How did he get in/out of the White House on those days when he didn't sign in/out? Who let him in/out, and through which entrance/exit? And, probably the most important question, what the hell was he doing there?!
Yer old pal aims to answer that last question with his list of the…
TOP 13 THINGS GANNON WAS DOING AT THE WHITE HOUSE!
13. Attending numerous White House prayer
circles and/or circle-jerks.
12. Making a few extra bucks by massaging First Lady Laura Bush's bunions.
11. Having hot, greasy homo-sex with White House press secretary Simple Scotty McClelland.
10. Furiously masturbating to Richard Nixon's presidential portrait.
9. Offering fifty dollar washroom blowjobs to tubby, bi-curious tourists from the Midwest.
8. Having hot, greasy homo-sex with Karl "Turdblossom" Rove.
7. Reliving his days as an underage White House call-boy during the first Bush administration.
6. Pretending to be a Secret Service agent, just like he pretended to be a Marine and a journalist.
5. Having hot, greasy homo-sex with Preznit Dubya.
4. Getting the following week's talking points uploaded to the microchip in his
brain.
3. Seriously jeopardizing national security.
2. Having hot, greasy, four-way tag-team homo-sex with Scott McClelland, Karl Rove and Preznit Dubya.
1. Poppers!