Facts Of Life

FACTS OF LIFE
* The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity
* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you
* Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
* Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
* Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.
* Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
* It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
* Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
* If you are given an
open-book exam, you will forget your book.
* COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
* The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
* Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
* The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
* Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.
* A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.
* Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on
society.
* Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
* Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.