Cynics Guide To Life

CYNICS GUIDE TO LIFE
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
- I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and...
- Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just leave me alone.
- If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.
- It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- A handy telephone tip: Keep a
small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.
- Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
- It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
- Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel... it's cheaper than plastic surgery.
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This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.