Q & A

Q & A
Q: How is a blowjob like a lobster?
A: They're both very nice: but you don't get either at home.
Q: What do you call a gay guy in the deep South?
A: Ho-mo-sex-y'all
Q: What is the definition of a "lucky break?"
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.
Q: Which is harder to make? A blonde, brunette or a red-headed snowman?
A: A blonde, because you have to hollow out its head.
Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another
beer."
Q. What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A. A blow job with handlebars
Q. What do you call a blond with a brain?
A. A golden retriever.
Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet?
A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.
Q. How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.
Q. What do you call a room full of blondes with PMS and yeast infections?
A. A wine and cheese party!
Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?
A. It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.
Q: What
do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
A: Bacon and legs!
Q: What's dumber than a brunette trying to build a house under water?
A: A blonde trying to burn it down
Q: What's a light-year?
A: One-third less calories than a regular year.
Q: Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.
Q: What does a blonde do when it gets cold?
A: Sits around a candle
Q: What does she do when it gets really cold?
A: Lights the candle
Q: What is a girl friend?
A: Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
Q: How can you tell when a man's had an orgasm?
A:
From the snoring.
Q: What does the postcard from a blonde on holiday say?
A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
Q: Did you hear about the divorced redneck?
A: He wondered if his ex-wife was still his sister.
Q: Why do Blondes drive BMW's?
A: Because they can spell them.
Q: How do you scare a man?
A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their photo
Q: Where do you find a no legged dog?
A: Right where you left him.
Q: Where do you get virgin wool from?
A: Ugly sheep.
Q: Did you hear about the guy who lost his left
arm and leg in a car crash?
A: He's all right now.
Q: Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A: He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
Q: What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A: The taste!
Q: Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A: It comes with all of Ken's stuff.
Q: What's a hindu?
A: Lays eggs.
Q: How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
A: About two - if they're thinly sliced.
Q: Why is marriage like the Army?
A: Everyone complains about it, but a surprising number re-enlist.
Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A:
They're trying to get away from the noise.
Q: What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
A: They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.
Q: Why do men's hearts beat quicker, go weak in the knees, get dry throats and think irrationally when a woman wears leather clothing?
A: BECAUSE SHE SMELLS LIKE A NEW PICKUP TRUCK!
Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs that can swim across a pool?
A: Clever Dick
Q: How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
A: Three - his left ear, his right ear, and his wild
front ear.
Q: Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the Leper go back into the shower?
A: He forgot his Head and Shoulders.
Q: Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?
A: He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his dog.
Q: Why did the leper crash his car?
A: He left his foot on the accelerator.
Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Q:
Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Q: Why don't they allow a man to marry 2 women in the US?
A: No man deserves that kind of punishment!
Q: What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
A: Telling you his real name.
Q. Did you hear that Fed Ex and UPS are going to merge?
A. Yeah. They're going to call it FED UP!
Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
A: The car salesman can probably drive!
Q: What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons?
A: You can also sit upright in a car.
Q: What is a Dairy Queen
A: A gay
milkman.
Q: What's the major difference between wives and husbands who are trying to have children?
A: Wives want to videotape the birth of their child.
Husbands want to videotape the conception.
Q: What's the best way to get into a sleeping bag?
A: Wake her up first!
Q: Why does a blonde always fail her road test?
A: Because every time the car stops, she jumps in the backseat!
Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard?
A: Shoot him again!
Q: What part of your body is the noisiest?
A: Your ear drum!
Q: What are dog biscuits made from?
A: Collie flour
Q: What's Bill Clinton's idea of safe
sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.
Q: What's white and sticky and found on the bathroom wall?
A: George Michael's latest release.
Q: Do you know why you should always invite TWO Baptists to go fishing with you?
A: Because if you only invite one, he'll drink all your beer. Invite two and they won't drink any."
Q: Did you hear about the gay midget?
A: He just came out of the cupboard!
Q: What's the definition of oral sex?
A: The taste of things to come.
Q: Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky turned Republican?
A: The democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
Q: How many men does it take to paint a wall?
A: Depends how hard you throw 'em!
Q:
What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?
A: Hugh Grant.
Q: What's green and smells like Monica Lewinsky?
A: The pool table in the oval office.
Q: What do you call a woman with no asshole?
A: Divorced.
Q: What's the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven?
A: A microwave stops when you open the door.
Q: 100 Women Surveyed, "Would you have sex with Bill Clinton?"
A: 80% said not again.
Q: When do you know a man is desperate?
A: When he practices yoga just so he can give himself head.
Q: Why did Bill Clinton name his new dog Buddy?
A: He couldn't bear to say "Come Spot... Come Spot!"
Q: What are the three types
of women?
A: The gorgeous, the caring and the majority.
Q: What’s the difference between Bill and Monica.
A: One can’t come clean and the other one can't clean cum.
Q: Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone?
A: He was too busy playing the hormonica.
Q: Do you know why Monica got a stain on her dress?
A: She didn't keep her mouth shut!
Q: Why did all the faggots vote for Clinton?
A: Because faggots like assholes better than Bush.
Q: Why does Hillary always get on top?
A: Bill can only screw up.
Q: Did you see Dolly Parton’s new shoes?
A: Neither did she.
Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A: It's not real
bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
Q: What's Monica's favorite instrument?
A: She's good at the piano, but she sucks at the organ!
Q: How will everyone remember Bill Clinton in history?
A: The President after Bush
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Santa Claus?
A: Some people still believe in Santa Claus.
Q: What's the difference between Hillary and Bill?
A: Hillary doesn't get caught.
Q: What do you call 5 dogs with no balls?
A: The Spice Girls!
Q: How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet?
A: They were dating the same girl in high school.
Q: What's the difference between dark and hard?
A: It stays dark all night.
Q:
What is the worst thing you can say to a man who complains that his wife is frigid?
A: "No, she isn't!"
Q: Do you know why people keep going to see Lord of The Rings over and over???
A: Because it's Hobbit forming.
Q: What is worse than being a bachelor?
A: Being a Bachelor's son
Q: Who made the first soft drink?
A: Adam -- he made Eve's cherry pop
Q: Who is more satisfied, a man with a million dollars, or a man with six children?
A: The man with six children. The man with a million dollars wants more.
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a pit bull?
A:
Your last blow job ... ever!
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: What is common between a wife and a swimming pool?
A: The cost of maintenance is too high compared to the time you spend inside them!
Q: There are two drummers sitting in a car. Who's driving?
A: The policeman.
Q: What's the best form of birth control after 50?
A: Nudity
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she
could lip read.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
Q: How do you know when a blonde's been in your fridge?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!
Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: Yell at her.
Q: What do you call a truck full of dildos?
A:
Toys for Twats