Scottish Chips

SCOTTISH CHIPS
Maggie lived in a tenement in Glasgow........ in the roughest part of town. She was pretty naive for a Glaswegian.
Maggie had been developing a bit of a stomach and putting on some weight. She thought, me pregnant?', but she didn't know anything about how to make sure. She thought, Big Agnes next door will know....she's got twelve kids'.
Maggie went down to Big Agnes's flat and told her the problem. Big Agnes thought for a minute or two and then told her (in slurred speech, coz she'd been on the Vodka all morning) to go down to the health-clinic and ask the doctor. He would be able to tell if she was pregnant or not.
Maggie made the appointment and attended next day. That very afternoon, Agnes
heard a terrible commotion at her door, loud hammering and screaming.
She picked up her baseball bat just in case it was the landlord man after the rent and answered.
It was Maggie, hair dishevelled, blouse ripped, torn knees on her tights, black-eye the works. "For God's sake come in" said Agnes," what the hell happened to you?"
"I went down to the doctors, like you told me. He sent me to the nurses room. It was that big fat bitch nurse from Possilpark, her with the warts and the husband that drinks meths. Well I told her that the doctor had sent me to check for pregnancy and she told me she needed a sample. I asked her, "what the fuck is a sample? Then she said "piss in a bottle."
Then I told her "well shit in your handbag if your going to be like that." And thats when the fighting started!