Fatal Things To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant

FATAL THINGS TO SAY IF YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT...
* "I finished the Oreo's."
* "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."
* "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!"
* "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
* "Well, couldn't they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl."
* "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
* "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."
* "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard
Scott!"
* "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
* "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
* "Get your *own* ice cream."
* "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
* "Got milk ?"
* "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
* "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
* "Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water..."
* "Your stomach sticks out almost as much as your ass!"
* "You don't have the guts to pull that trigger..."