Terms Of Endearment

TERMS OF ENDEARMENT
1. “If my heart were a baked potato, I’d serve it to you with extra butter and sour cream.”
2. “Your terrible personality isn’t so terrible after a few drinks and even when I sober up, it’s not as terrible as everyone says.”
3. “I’d shave my entire body with a dull, rusty razor blade and take a vinegar bath for you.”
4. “I am rubber, you are glue, any feelings you have for me bounce off and stick to you.Ironically, I feel the same way.”
5. “The other day I saw this little girl day drop her whole ice cream cone on the ground and start bawling. After I stopped laughing, I thought, “I’m the same way when you don’t call when you say you will.”
6.
“I saw you in the morning, on the toilet, and I didn’t run screaming. So there.”
7. “Hug me. If you let go -- you lose.”
8. “Umm… like… you and me? Yeah. You and me.”
9. “You are to me what an eye patch and parrot is to a pirate.”
10. “You are the hole in my donut.”
11. “I am the pork, you are the beans.”
12. “You make me want to vomit little chocolate hearts.”
13. “You are my personal parachute.”
14. “If you were a margarita, I’d drink you by the bucket.”
15. “I really like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like you.”
16. “If I had my junior high dance to do all over again, I’d lean against the far wall, stare at you, and hate myself for not asking you if you liked the punch.”
17. “I don’t love you. I merely enjoy tolerating your existence immensely.”
18. “I’ll still want to have sex with you even when you’re old, fat, and ugly.”
19. “You had me at ‘Stop following me’.”
20. “Your farts smell like vanilla.”
21. “We’re a two person chain gang.”
22. ““I am valedictorian of the University of You.”
23. “If you needed a kidney transplant, I’d also throw in a bonus lung.”
24. “The wet, fatty ball of muscle and sinew that pumps my thick, steaming blood to all of my internal organs starts to beat irregularly when you come into my line of sight.”
25. “You are to me what Oprah is to mediocre self-help gurus.”