ONE LINERS
* I took my secretary to lunch the other day, and I discovered she was not the old fashioned type. After two old fashions she couldn't type.
* The plumber can’t put inn the bathroom fixtures until next month. That’s a shower stall if I’ve ever heard one.
* Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men, but did you ever see a man wearing a shirt that buttons down the back?
* If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say - talk in your sleep.
* When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
* When it comes to telling her age, she's shy.....about ten years shy.
* I didn't believe my
wife when she said she had lost one of her fingernails while making dessert. I guess the proof will be in the pudding.
* So I'm chatting with this chick online, and I tell her I have her favorite song on vinyl. She says, "You're really dating yourself." So I say, "Duh. Why do you think I'm hanging out in a chat room in the first place?"
* Could Hitler's bunker be considered attacks shelter?
* Whoever first said that "A dog is man's best friend" had never seen a pussy before.
* Several carniverous animals were eating the carcass but the king of beasts got the lion's share.
* Love is a complicated machinery. But sometimes all you need is a good screw to fix it.
* Sex is like a card game. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
* If a deaf person has to go to
court, is it still called a hearing?
* The reason most men say they fall quickly asleep after having sex is because they're worn out from being up half the night begging for it.
* Anybody who claims that marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition doesn't know the first thing about women or fractions.
* Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
* You know the romance is over when you come to bed, ready to make love to your wife, and she is on the phone, and she tells whoever she is talking to that she will call them back in two minutes...
* They say you can't have too much of a good thing. I wish I'd been part of that study.
* It's Easier To Build A Child Than To Repair An Adult
* Don't Tell Me That Worryin' Won't Help Cuz Things I
Worry About Don't Happen
* Life May Not Be The Party Hoped For But We're Here So Why Not Dance
* Patience Is Idling Your Motor When You Feel Like Stripping Gears
* As Long As Women Have Curves Men Will Have Angles
* Love Is Friendship Set On Fire
* Women are like computers - even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
