Strange Things To Ponder

STRANGE THINGS TO PONDER
---> How do you get off a nonstop flight?
---> How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others?
---> How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?
---> How do you throw away a garbage can?
---> How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
---> How does a person with a lisp pronounce that word?
---> How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold?
---> How does it work out that these people always die in alphabetical order?
---> How does the guy who drives the
snowplow get to work in the mornings?
---> How is it possible to have a "civil" war?
---> How is it possible to run out of space?
---> How long is the long arm of the law?
---> How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?
---> How many weeks are there in a light year?
---> How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
---> How much milk is there in the Milky Way?
---> How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
---> How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?

---> If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
---> If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?"
---> If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
---> If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?
---> If a
hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?
---> If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
---> If a mime commits suicide, does he use a silencer?
---> If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn't it reverse up and down?
---> If a
picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
---> If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it a ham-hock?
---> If a pizza place sells pizza by the slice, is there a guy in the back tossing a triangle in the air?
---> If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, is a proverb a word used in place of a verb?
---> If a tree falls in the forest,
does the earth scream out in pain?
---> If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
---> If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
---> If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
---> If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
---> If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
---> If all the world is a stage, where are the audience sitting?
---> If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow?
---> If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
---> If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
---> If bees live in an apiary, do apes live in a beeiary?
---> If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
---> If cats and dog didn't have fur would we still pet them?
---> If corn can't hear, why does it have an ear?
---> If corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made from?
---> If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
---> If everything is part of a whole, what is the whole part of?
---> If flowers don't talk back to you, are they mums?
---> If Fred Flintstone knew that the large order of ribs would tip his car over, why did he order them at the end of every show?
---> If God can do anything, can he make a rock so big he can't lift it?
---> If God dropped acid, would he see people?
---> If humans get a charley horse, what do horses get?
---> If humans have nightmares, what do horses
have?
---> If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
---> If I save time, when do I get it back?
---> If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
---> If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
---> If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?
---> If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
---> If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
---> If our knees were on the backs of our legs, what would chairs look like?
---> If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout
cookies made out of?
---> If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
---> If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
---> If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?