CATHOLIC DICTIONARY (Time to brush up even if you're not Catholic! Never know when or by whom you'll be tested!)
* AMEN:
The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
* BULLETIN:
Your receipt for attending Mass.
* CHOIR:
A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.
* HOLY WATER:
A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
* HYMN:
A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
* INCENSE:
Holy Smoke!
* JESUITS:
An order of
priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams. * JONAH:
The original "Jaws" story.
* JUSTICE:
When kids have kids of their own.
* KYRIE ELEISON:
The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava
* MAGI:
The most famous trio to attend a baby shower. * MANGER:
Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.
* PEW:
A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
* PROCESSION:
The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
* RECESSIONAL:
The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
* RECESSIONAL HYMN:
The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
* RELICS:
People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
* TEN COMMANDMENTS:
The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
* USHERS:
The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
