THE CLASSIFIEDS
(Actual excerpts from classified sections) * Illiterate? Write today for free help. * Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. * Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. * Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. * Stock up and save. Limit: one. * Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. * For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. * Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home too. * Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours. * Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. * Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. * Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential. * Wanted.
Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. * And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. * We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home.
