THE NEW OFFICE VOCABULARY
* TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.
Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.
* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
* ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
* SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.
An office filled with cubicles.
* PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and peoples heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and peoples heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)
* MOUSE POTATO.
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
* SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
* STRESS PUPPY.
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
* XEROX SUBSIDY.
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
* BR ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless paperwork and processes.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless paperwork and processes.
* 404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
* OHNOSECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')
* WOOFies.
Well Off Older Folk.
Well Off Older Folk.
* CROP DUSTING
Surreptitiously farting while passing through a CUBE FARM, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.
Surreptitiously farting while passing through a CUBE FARM, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.
