POETRY LASS There once was this beautiful lass
Who had a magnificent ass
Not pretty and pink
As you might think
It was gray, had long ears and ate grass
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GROTTEN There was a young pessimist,
Grotten
Who wished he had never been begotten.
Nor would he have been
But the rubber was thin
And right at the tip it was rotten
********************************************************
YALE FELLOW There was a young fellow from Yale
Whose face was exceedingly pale.
He spent his vacation
In self-masturbation
Because of the high price of tail
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MCEWAN A thrifty old man named
McEwan
Inquired "Why bother with screwin'"
It's safer and cleaner
To finger your wiener
And besides you can see
What you're doin'
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ROME MAESTRO A maestro directing in Rome
Had a quaint way of driving it home
Whoever he climbed
Had to keep herself timed
To the beat of his old Metronome
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KENT FELLOW There was a
young fellow from Kent
Whose prong was so long that it bent
So to save himself trouble
He put in a double
And instead of coming He went ********************************************************
KENT FELLOW A shiftless young fellow from Kent
Had his wife screw the landlord for rent
But they grew older
The landlord grew colder
And now they live in a tent
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WHYTE There's an oversexed lady named Whyte
Who insisted on a dozen a night.
A fellow named Cheddar
Had the brashness to wed her
And his chance of survival is slight? ********************************************************
LEIGH PLUMBER There was a young plumber of Leigh
Plumbing his girl by the sea.
She said,"Stop your plumbing"
Said the plumber still plumbing "It's me"
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TIM “Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu” ********************************************************
DECATOR MAN There was an old man of Decator
took out his red hot pertator.
He tried at her dent
But when his thang bent
He got down on his knees and ate her
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MARIE 'Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania." ********************************************************
NANT FARMER There was a young farmer from Nant
Whose conduct was gay and gallant
For he lay all his dozens
Of nieces and cousins
In addition of course to his aunt ********************************************************
BETH A lisping young lady named Beth
Was saved from a fate worse than death
Seven times in a row
It unsettled her so
that she quit saying no and said Yeth
********************************************************
NORWEIGN LADY There was a young lady from Norway
Who hung by her heals in doorways
She said to her
beau
Look at me Joe
I've discovered more way ********************************************************
SAPHIRE There was a young girl named Saphire
Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
She said, "It's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Could you shove it a few inches higher?"
********************************************************
SUSAN There was a young lady named Susan
Who found two men was her choosin'
It was fun there in bed
At her feet and her head
But her choices were awfully confusin'
********************************************************
FLYN There was a young lady named Flyn
Who thought fornication a sin
But when she was tight
It seemed quite alright
So everyone plied her with gin ********************************************************
MAMIE
LAFARGE Said a Madame named Mamie LaFarge
To a sailor just off the barge.
"We have one girl that's dead
With a hole in her head,
Of course there's a slight extra charge
********************************************************
MY FORGETTER My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke For
when I'm "here" I'm wondering
If I really should be "there"
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer! Oft times I walk into a room,
Say "what am I here for?"
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score. At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me! When shopping I may see someone,
Say! "Hi" and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, "Who was that?" Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke. ********************************************************
BILL TO PAAGAL HAI...
Billl To Pagal Hai.......
Bill Deewana Hai.....
Achhe Bure Softwares Banata Hai Yahi,
Hasata He Yahi, Rulata Hai,
Usme Phir 'Bugs' Daalta Hain Wohi,
Aur Solutions Bhi Nikalta Hai,
Bill To Pagal Hai.......
Bill Deewana Hai..... Is Bill Ki Baton Mein Jo Aate Hain,
Woto Oolloo Ban Jate Hain,
Software To Dusare Bhi Banate Hain,
Banake Magar Kho Jate Hain,
Hmmm Bill To Pagal Hai.......
Bill Deewana Hai..... Softwares Ko Main Na Pehchanoonga,
Working Bhi Na Mein Uski Janoonga,
Microsoft Ka Logo Bass Mein Dekhoonga,
Bill Jo Kahega Wohi Manoonga.
Bill To Pagal Hai.......
Bill Deewana Hai.....
Bill Ka Kehna Hum Sab Maane,
Bill Na Kisi Ki Maane,
Uski Strategy Jaan Li Hamne,
Ek Wohi Na Jaane.
Bill To Pagal Hai.......
Bill Deewana Hai.....
Chhoro Ye Bill Sab Kahaniya,
Bugs Ki Hain Sab Nishaniya,
Programmers Ki Sari Pareshaniya,
Is Bill Ki Hain Ye
Meherbaniya.
Hmmm Bill To Pagal Hai....
Bill Deewana Hai.....
********************************************************
KEYS OF SUCCESS
Often your tasks will be many,
and more than you think you can do
Often the road will be rugged
and the hills insurmountable, too
Always remember, the hills ahead
Are never as steep as they seem,
And with faith in your heart start upward
And climb 'till you reach your dream,
Nothing in life that is worthy
Is ever too hard to achieve
If you have the courage to try it
And you have the faith to believe...
Faith is a force that is greater
Than knowledge or power or skill
And many defeats turn to triumph
If you
trust in God's wisdom and will
Faith is a mover of mountains,
There's nothing that God cannot do,
So start out today with faith in your heart
And Climb Until Your Dream Comes True
********************************************************
FALLING APART There's quite an art to falling apart ....
as these years go by.
And life Doesn't begin at 40 ....
That's a Big Fat Lie! My hair's gettin' thinner ....
my Body is Not.
The few Teeth I have
....
are beginning to Rot! I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub ....
Not Chanel #5.
My new Pacemaker's all ....
that keepin' me alive! When asked of my past ....
Every Detail I'll know.
But what was I doin' ....
just 10 minutes ago? Well, you get the Idea ....
what More can I say?
I'm off to read the Obits ....
like I do every Day. If my name is not there ....
I'll once again Start -
Perfecting the Art ....
Of Falling Apart! But til' That Last Curtain ....
Decides to Fall,
I'm gonna' have ....
Myself a Ball! ********************************************************
HOW TRUE IT IS Another year has
passed
and we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
and winter seems much colder. I rack my brain for happy thoughts,
to put down on my pad,
But lots of things that come to mind
that make me kind of sad. There was a time not long ago
when life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
about "Living in the Past" We used to go to weddings,
football games and lunches.
Now we go to funeral homes,
and after-funeral
brunches. We used to have hangovers,
from parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
and while the night away. We used to go out dining,
and couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
come home and take a pill. We used to often travel
to places near and far.
Now we get sore buttocks
from riding in the car. We used to go out shopping
for new clothing at the Mall
But, now we never bother...
all the sizes are too small. We used to go to nightclubs
and drink a little booze.
Now we stay at home at night
and watch the evening news. That, my friend is how life is,
and now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...
before you're too darn old!
