SHIRT POCKET
A guy is out on a weeknight, drinking with a bud, and gets so sloshed he pukes on himself.
"Oh, shit! My wife is gonna kill me!"
His friend says, "Hey, just put a $10 bill in your shirt pocket and tell her that someone else threw up on you and gave you the money to pay for cleaning."
"What a great fucking idea! Lemme buy ya a drink!"
Later that night, he sneaks into his house, and gets caught by his wife: "Look at you, you bum! You're a mess, you've vomitted all over yourself!"
"No, Honey, look," handing her the money from his shirt pocket. "A guy at the bar puked on me and gave me 10 bucks to pay for the cleaning."
"Ah... well, OK. But why is there $20 here?"
"Oh yeah, the guy also shit in my pants."
