SIGNS THAT THE ENTERPRISE IS NEARING THE END OF IT'S WARRANTY
* Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
* Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".
* Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
* Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now
help up by phone book.
help up by phone book.
* Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".
* Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
* Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.
* Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
* Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
* Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become too steep for crew to climb.
* Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people on board.
* Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.
* Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.
* Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.
* Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will either stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.
* Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water in Wesley's shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.
* Ship's dryer indiscriminately shreds crew's uniforms, and related problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new clothing with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.
* Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says "Pretty please with sugar on it".
* Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready room are exhausted and door must be replaced with bead curtains.
* Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left turn.
