TARZAN Tarzan was happily swinging through the Jungle one day from vine to vine. He was distracted for a moment, grabbed the wrong vine and "WHAMMO!" straight into a tree trunk. Tarzan slid down the tree trunk with the branches he hit all the way down doing him no real favors. The Phantom was riding through the Jungle and found Tarzan all broken up at the bottom of the tree. He called up some pigmy buddies and they carried Tarzan to
the best local witch-doctor that they could find. The Witch-doctor soon diagnosed broken right arm, broken left leg, smashed penis ... broken face ... oh no, Tarzan always looked like that. Tarzan came around and the Witch-doctor said, "There's some good news and some bad news." "What," asked Tarzan, "could be any worse news than the way I am busted up?" "Well," said the Witch-doctor, "The good news is that you are lucky that they brought you to me. I am the foremost transplant witch-doctor in all the Jungle. And the way your arm, leg and penis are smashed up you are going to need transplants of them all ... they
are just too smashed up to repair." "Well THAT IS good news," said Tarzan, "So what could be the bad news." "There's been a bit of a war between the tribes and I'm short of human parts," said the Witch-doctor, "But I do have some animal parts that I can substitute." "Will I still be able to swing through the Jungle?" asks Tarzan. "Oh yes, I have a chimpanzee arm here that will grip vines better
than your old arm," the Doctor replies. "And will I be able to run through the plains?" asks Tarzan. "Well I have an Ostrich leg here," says the Doctor, "... I admit that it will be a bit experimental but it should work." "Well I guess we'll just have to chance it," says Tarzan. "And to replace your ... your ... well your broken penis," says the Doctor, "I have this thing off an
elephant." "Wow!," says Tarzan, "Let's get started." So the Doctor puts Tarzan under and operates. A few months later the Doctor is travelling through the Jungle and who should swing by but Tarzan. "Hey Tarzan," calls the Doctor, How's everything going?" "Oh it's going pretty good Doc," says Tarzan as he swings down. "As you can see this chimpanzee arm works really good swinging through the trees." "And this ostrich leg works OK," Tarzan says, "I can run real fast ... can't dance, but there isn't anyone to dance with anyway ..." "That's GREAT!" says the Doc, "Are you having ANY problems?" "Well ..." Tarzan hesitates ... "It's this
elephant's thing ... I don't mean to be ungrateful Doc ... But every time I get hungry it rips up grass and leaves and tries to shove them up my bum!"
