You Might Be A Deranged Fundamentalist If..

YOU MIGHT BE A DERANGED FUNDAMENALIST IF...

* You can't watch the evening news without getting red in the face and screaming, "LIES! LIES! LIES!"

* Your garage is filled with more napalm canisters than patio chairs.

* You call for not only the shedding of blood, but also of lymphocytes and killer T cells.

* You forced your children to get "Remember Ruby Ridge" tattoos.

* You think Red Dawn is a documentary.

* Your idea of lawn ornaments is razor wire, a sentry tower, and pits full of bamboo spikes.

* You carry an emergency stick of dynamite inside your rectum.

* Watching those irresponsible a

*

*holes on C-Span works you into a homicidal lather.

*- You think Girl Scouts are "extremist swine".

* You'd admire MacGyver if he weren't such a spineless whore for "The Man".

* You think everyone but your mother, the president of COORS, and Chuck Norris is a sub-human pinko liberal.

* Your God, whoever that is, is always right and wants you to kill, kill, KILL!

* You just renewed your subscription to BETTER BUNKERS AND CANNED-FRUIT GARDENS.

* Your wedding dress is a desert-camo print.

* You have five years worth of corned beef hash rations.

* Your idea of a romantic evening is dinner by burning effigy.