ALTERNATE WISDOM
* A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
* Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
* Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
* No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
* A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
* Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
* Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
* There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
* Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
* By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
* Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
* Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
* Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
