DOWN AT THE PUB
A man walks into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants. "I want bury my face in your cleavage and lick the perspiration from your breasts'" he says.
"You filthy wotsit - get out before I fetch my husband!" shouts the barmaid.
The man apologises and promises not to repeat his gaffe.
The barmaid accepts, and again asks him what he wants.
"I want to pull your pants down, spread yogurt on your bum and lick it off," he says.
"You dirty old man - get out!" she storms.
Again, the man apologises and swears never to do it again.
"Now - what do you want?"
He replies: "I want to turn you upside down, fill your secret place with Guinness, and drink every last drop."
The barmaid is furious, and runs upstairs to fetch her husband, who's watching TV.
"There's a man in the bar who wants to put his head between my breasts and lick the perspiration off," she says.
"I'll kill him!" storms the husband.
"And he wants to pour yogurt onto my bum and lick it off," she screams.
"He's dead!" howls the husband, reaching for a cricket bat.
"Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my secret place with Guinness and then drink it all," she cries.
The husband puts down his bat and slumps into his armchair.
"Aren't you going to protect my honor?" she cries, hysterically.
"Look - I'm not messing with someone who can drink two gallons of Guinness," he replies.
