INTERNET ADDICTION
You have internet addiction when...
* You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
* A VRML virtual walk through a park is your idea of a good date.
* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
* Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
* All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net.
* And even your night dreams are in HTML.
* You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
* You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
* You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net"
* Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
* You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
* You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
* Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
* All of your friends have an @ in their names.
* When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
* Your dog has its own home page.
* Your dog's homepage is actually good.
* You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
* You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
* Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
* You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
* You don't know the gender of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
* Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
* You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
* You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
* You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
* Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
* You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape6 or higher."
* You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
* The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
* You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
* Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
* As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
