INVESTMENT TERMS
CEO
Chief Embezzlement Officer
Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO
Corporate Fraud Officer
Corporate Fraud Officer
MBA
Master of Bogus Accounting
Master of Bogus Accounting
BULL MARKET
A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET
An extended period when kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
An extended period when kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING
The art of buying low, and selling lower.
The art of buying low, and selling lower.
P/E RATIO
The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market goes lower.
The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market goes lower.
BROKER
What my broker has made me.
What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR
My life in a nutshell.
My life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST
Idiot who just downgraded my stock.
Idiot who just downgraded my stock.
STOCK SPLIT
When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets between them.
When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets between them.
FINANCIAL PLANNER
A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION
The day after I buy stocks.
The day after I buy stocks.
CASH FLOW
The movement my money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
The movement my money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO
What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker.
WINDOWS
What you jump out of when you are the poor sucker above.
What you jump out of when you are the poor sucker above.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR
Last year's investor who is now locked up in a nuthouse.
Last year's investor who is now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT
An archaic word, no longer in use.
401K
Now known as only a 201k.
Now known as only a 201k.
