OUTHOUSE
Zeke & Hiram decided not to re-up but to go home and live a life of ease on their military pensions at Pa's place in the hills. One hot summer day Pa told them: "Boys, the outhouse is gettin' full; go dig a new hole, move the outhouse over it and toss the dirt down the old hole to seal it."
After Pa had gone for his nap Hiram sez, "It's too hot to do all that diggin' today an' kindly pass the jug."
Then Zeke sez, "That's why all our USMC demolition trainin' and all those shaped charges'n stuff that we brung home will be so handy. We set an angled burrowing charge where the new hole is goin' that'll send the dirt in a high arc to fall in the old hole; meanwhile the lifting charges we set under the outhouse will move it in a low lob on top of the new hole an' gimme another slug outa that jug please."
So the boys apply their skills to the task, set the timers and take cover. Just before the blasts set off Pa walks to the outhouse and goes in. It was too late to stop him, too late even to shout, as the outhouse doorlatch clicks closed the timers completed their cycle.
The detonations work perfectly, WHUMP!!!
The soil arcs way up. Crump!
The outhouse lobs over to land on the new hole and Thump!
The dirt lands on the old hole to fill it.
"That worked well" sez Zeke "But oh, the collateral damage! We have killed our Pa!"
Then the outhouse door swings open and Pa comes staggering out, "You boys better get on your knees and thank the Lord Jeezus I didn't let that one go in the house!!!"
