Professional Shit

PROFESSIONAL SHIT

---> Mathematician
Shit happening is just a special case...

---> Statistician
There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe.

---> Physicist (Theoretical)
Shit SHOULD happen.

---> Physicist (Experimental)
To within experimental error, shit DID happen.

---> Engineer
I hope this shit holds together.

---> Chemist
I hope this shit doesn't blow up.

---> Biologist
Is this shit alive?

---> Economist
I hope no one figures out that I don't really understand this shit.

---> Bureaucrat
I'm sorry, but we make this shit happen until you fill out form XJ-314159 to make an appointment with our Assistant Sub-Deputy Manager to obtain form ZN-271828...

---> CEO (1980's)
I've got all the shit I want. (1990's) Oh, SHIT!

---> Lawyer
For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of ANY shit.

---> Doctor
Take two shits and call me in the morning.

---> Surgeon
Shit, where's this organ supposed to go?

---> Psychologist
Shit is in your mind. Everything that happens is shit; some of it is just repressing its subconscious shittiness.

---> Programmer
It's shit, but at least it compiles.

---> Social Scientist
Let's pretend that shit doesn't happen...

---> Politician
It's shit, but it'll get me elected. If you elect me, shit will never again happen. Shit happening is bad for the economy.

---> Waitress
You want fries with that shit?

---> Musician
This shit is out of tune.

---> Dean
Let's see how much shit the faculty'll take.

---> Accountant
Why doesn't this shit add up?

---> Linguist
What I'm doing is a bunch of faeces tauri.

---> Quality Control Inspector
This shit ain't good enough.

---> IRS Auditor
I'll make 'em squirm for putting this shit on their tax forms.

---> Farmer
I get subsidies for my shit.

---> Union leader
Give us more shit or we'll strike.

---> Mafia boss
Rub the little shits out.

---> NYC Cab Driver
Damn, looks like I hit that shit...