SIGNS YOUR ONLINE RELATIONSHIP ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE
* You: Large, hairy man. Your online girlfriend: Large, hairy man.
* Her postmaster rejects your e-mail not as "undeliverable" but as "unlikely to get you anywhere."
* After months of shared experiences and emotional investments, she attacks you in the Mines of Quarn with a Vorpal Sword when she learns you're worth 45,000 points.
* "Returned mail: User unknown and never wants to hear from you again."
* Getting perhaps a bit too comfortable, she lets a reference to cutting her chin shaving slip by.
* You discover that she has been cutting and pasting her orgasms.
* You can barely make out your SO's face in the JPEG she sent because she's obscured by her 25 cats.
* He claims to be the richest man in the world, but his GIF looks like some geek who works for a software company.
* Since her first e-mail, Make.Money.Fast!@... has become cold and distant.
* She's suddenly changed her address to comingout@...
* Ken Starr launches an investigation into your relationship with the mysterious "tubby@..."
