The Year's Best Headlines Of 2004

THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2004:

The people who wrote these headlines also report and write the news. Makes you wonder about their ability.

* Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [imagine that!]
* Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [no, really?]

* Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [now that's taking things a bit far!]

* Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [not if I wipe thoroughly!]

* Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [what a guy!]

* Miners Refuse to Work after Death [no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

* Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [see if that works any better than a fair trial!]
* War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]

* If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [you think?!]
* Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [who would have thought!]
* Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [they may be on to something!]
* Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]
* Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the battery charge!]
* New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [weren't they fat enough?!]

* Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

* Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Tastes like chicken?]

* Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy [That was really giving of himself!]

* Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
* Hospitals are Sued by Seven Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....
* Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead (Can you believe it?)