Quickies

QUICKIES
* What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
Goes-in-tight!
* What's "68"?
You do me and I owe you one.
* What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Gagged!
* What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?
A tearjerker.
* Have you heard about the new supersensitive condoms?
They hang around after the man leaves and talk to the woman.
* Define "Egghead "
What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
* What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost
killed him!
* Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life?
Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.
* How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!
* KY Jelly has jumped on the Millennium bandwagon with the slogan for their new product: "Y2K-Y Jelly : when you want to put four digits where only two could fit before!"
* Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
He did okay until his business fell off.
* What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
"How come?"
* Why are cowgirls bowlegged?
Cowboys like to eat with their hats
on.
* What's the definition of a teenager?
God's punishment for enjoying sex.
* Hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
"They'll never see you coming."
* What's the definition of a vagina?
The box a penis comes in.
* What two words will clear out a men's restroom?
"Nice Dick!"
* What do you call a truckload of vibrators?
Toys for Twats.
* What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
S&M&M.
* What's the definition of eternity?
The length of time between when YOU come and SHE leaves.
* Define Transvestite:
A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!
* Mom's have
Mother's Day, father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
* Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
* What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
A scrotum pole!
* What's the ultimate in rejection?
When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
* Why don't debutantes go to orgies?
There'd be too many thank you notes to write.
* How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat?
By sitting down before the last guy gets up.
* What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
They are both used as substitutes for meat.
* What do you call kids born in
whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts.
* What is every Amish woman's private fantasy?
Two Mennonite!
* Have you heard about the blind hooker?
You've gotta hand it to her!
* What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
* How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught fire.
* Why is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner.
* What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
They're both filled with stiffs, but you come in one, and go in the other!
* Can you say three two-letter words that mean small?
Is it in?
* What do you call
a ninety-year-old man who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
* What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.
* What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth?
Gladiator!
* How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your pecker.
* What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
By the time you've finished with the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
* Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank?
Sperm is handmade.
* What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.
* If Eve wore a fig leaf, what did Adam wear?
A hole in it.
* What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your whole day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
* Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
He decided to stick it out for one more year!
* When does a cub become a boy scout?
When he eats his first Brownie.
* What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
* What did the banana say to the vibrator?
What are YOU shaking for? She's going to eat me!
* How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One...men will screw
anything.
* What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
About three inches.
* What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting?
Sticks it in Olive Oyl.
* What is the definition of wicker box?
It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to JLo.