If My Body Was A Car

IF MY BODY WAS A CAR
* If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer
model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.
* My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick.
* My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood.!
* Air bag's ? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course.
* I
have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?
* My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
* My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
* My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
* It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
* My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it.....
* Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter..... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!!