MANS GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH
* We need = I want
* It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
* Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
* We need to talk = I need to complain
* Sure...Go ahead = I don't want you to
* I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
* You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
* You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
* I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting! = I've got my period
* Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
* This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
* I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
* I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
* Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
* I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
* Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
* How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
* I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
* Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
* You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
* Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
* Yes = No
* No = No
* Maybe = No
* Maybe = No
* I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
* Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
* Was that the baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
* I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
* All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
The Answer To a Female Saying "What's Wrong?":
* The same old thing = Nothing
* Nothing = Everything
* Everything = My PMS is acting up
* Nothing, really = It's just that you're such a pain in the butt
* I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam
