Noah's Ark II.
The Lord came to Noah, in Canada, in the year 2003. Earth was wicked
and overpopulated. The Lord instructed Noah to build another Ark and
save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.
"Here's the blueprint," said the Lord. "Hurry - in six months I start
the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later the rain started. The Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his flooded yard - and no Ark.
"Noah", He roared, "where's the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "Things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I have been arguing with the inspector about the
need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I have violated
the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and the
height limitation being exceeded. We had to go to the Development
Appeal Board for a decision."
"Then Transport Canada and the Department of Highways and Hydro wanted
a bond posted for the future costs of moving power, trolley and other
overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the
sea. I argued the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear
nothing of this."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. No go! I
gathered the animals, but then I got sued by an animal rights group.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was
cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in so confined a space."
"Environment Canada decided that I could not build the Ark without
filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my
building crew. The trades union wants me to hire only Union
trades-people with Ark building experience." "To make matters worse,
Canada Customs and Revenue Agency seized all my assets, claiming I'm
trying to leave the country illegally as well as removing endangered
species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years to finish
this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared and the sun began to shine. A rainbow
stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder.
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" he asked. "No",
sayeth the Lord. "Your Government beat me to it!"
The Lord came to Noah, in Canada, in the year 2003. Earth was wicked
and overpopulated. The Lord instructed Noah to build another Ark and
save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.
"Here's the blueprint," said the Lord. "Hurry - in six months I start
the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later the rain started. The Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his flooded yard - and no Ark.
"Noah", He roared, "where's the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "Things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I have been arguing with the inspector about the
need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I have violated
the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and the
height limitation being exceeded. We had to go to the Development
Appeal Board for a decision."
"Then Transport Canada and the Department of Highways and Hydro wanted
a bond posted for the future costs of moving power, trolley and other
overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the
sea. I argued the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear
nothing of this."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. No go! I
gathered the animals, but then I got sued by an animal rights group.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was
cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in so confined a space."
"Environment Canada decided that I could not build the Ark without
filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my
building crew. The trades union wants me to hire only Union
trades-people with Ark building experience." "To make matters worse,
Canada Customs and Revenue Agency seized all my assets, claiming I'm
trying to leave the country illegally as well as removing endangered
species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years to finish
this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared and the sun began to shine. A rainbow
stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder.
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" he asked. "No",
sayeth the Lord. "Your Government beat me to it!"
